I’m a delusional dreamer

I’m a delusional dreamer. I think we can all agree on that. I’ve always listened to that voice inside, regardless of the actual facts. Over the course of my life, I’ve come to believe that my gut feelings occur to steer me in the right direction; like an invisible compass. After all, if not for that snap decision in 2008, no one would have had the chance to play Eternal Eden at all. I was surrounded by naysayers that didn’t miss an opportunity to disparage my work.

“No one will want to pay for your crappy game, you’re dreaming.”

At some point, I harbored serious doubts. I was afraid I was going to fail, but I decided to ignore these prophets of doom. And I succeeded with my goal. I still remember that epic day when a tsunami of sales flooded my email inbox. It was awesome in every sense of the word. The game grossed around 70K through the years, which was plenty to let me believe that positive events can happen in the gaming industry.

I dare to think things aren’t much different today. I’m striving to achieve another dream; create a JRPG from scratch on my own, without the use of stock assets. This time the goal and the risks are much bigger and is taking way longer than the first time. There is just far too much to learn—and to experience—in an age where technology and trends are exponentially speeding up. Most of the time I wish there’s a magical switch I can flip to make things go faster, but well, tenacity and patience are the only things that proved to do marvels for me so far.

I’m definitely siding with fans who aren’t happy with the long waiting and the vague release date. It sucks. Terribly. Please, bear in mind that my Indiegogo campaign, with an initial goal of $25,000, only raised $5500, and thus, it wasn’t sufficient to recruit talented workers. I’ve also lost the collaboration of my sprite artist after that financial failure—a decision I can however agree with. It’s the reason I’ve been focusing on motion graphics and visual effects with the use of Blender during 2016. I didn’t mean to dispirit everyone with the ETA of the game; I simply had no other choice.

Your recent comments had provided me with some helpful food for thought. And, as a quick mention, I’m in negotiation with a very enthusiastic investor. This could open doors for quick and stable progress! A decision will be taken around the start of Fall. Fingers crossed.

Despite the obstacle put on my road and my mistakes, the only promise I can keep with each of you is to remain the most resilient developer on this planet and strive again, again, and again, until my goal is reached. You can give up on me, but I won’t let you down in the end.

5 thoughts on “I’m a delusional dreamer

  1. I hope Blossomsoft gets the support it needs to get functioning in a swift and efficient manner to make some releases happen and get your company name back out there in the now-crowded indie rpg market. Everyone, and every company, has made mistakes.. but I’m hoping the direction you took and the efforts you’ve made prove to produce something satisfying and memorable for you and your patrons. Best of luck in your endeavors.

  2. The only thing I’d really blame you for is that you put a pre-order on your website several years ago that said the game will be released “the next months”. From what I know this was already after the IndieGogo campaign (correct me if I’m wrong).

    Like, if someone said he needs 2 years for a game and then needs 4 years, it’s still understandable. You can miscalculate and it takes double the time than you originally anticipated.

    However, if someone says “the next months” and then it takes 4 years, it’s hard to imagine that it was just a miscalculation. I mean say “the next months” would be 3 months, than it would have taken actually 12 times longer than expected.

    So I’m really unsure what really happened there or what has ridden you to put such a preorder up here. It’s hard to imagine you weren’t perfectly aware you are lying, though. But humans always have reasons why they do something. Maybe you were starving and had to lie to get money so you don’t die. Maybe you had a traumatic experience in your childhood that causes you to having to permanently overestimate yourself. Maybe you gambled and hoped you get so much money from pre-orders that you could actually hire enough people to finish it in a few months. Maybe you had a bad childhood that turned you into an evil villain that wants to take revenge on humanity by telling people about a game that doesn’t even exist and laugh at how people wait for 4 years or more for it. Maybe you acted instinctively and don’t even know yourself why you did it. Maybe you could have finished it in a few months but you are a perfectionist and keep changing your plans, causing you to never be able to finish something. Or maybe you really are a delusional dreamer that truly believes he can do something even though he absolutely can’t. Maybe you wanted to believe it so much that you thought it’s true.

    I’m not even angry, and I really don’t care about the money I gave you back then anymore (at least this way it got you to survive 3 more days, whereas otherwise it would just have been on my bank account the whole time). I really just want to get the game so I can feel at ease knowing that the game really exists and I didn’t actually allow myself to be tricked by an evil villain.

    But there’s nothing you could say. Nothing you should say. No excuses, no reasons, no “this week I REALLY made some progress”, no “things will look better now”. At this point, if you really want to save me, you can only finish the game and make it a game as good as promised. No time limit, but if I die before it’s released, I’ll probably haunt you. :p

  3. Thank you for your words of understanding and encouragement Shionkreth, Rya.Reisender, LeoZebra!

    However, if someone says “the next months” and then it takes 4 years, it’s hard to imagine that it was just a miscalculation.

    There were many, many obstacles. First, they were technical, which I solved with as much patience as I could. Then, they were financial. I had to survive with less than $50~100$ a month for over a year, one of the hardest period of my life. I also faced claustrophobic issues (imagine when your entire home is a closet-sized room). Then, health issues appeared. Heart problems, etc. Overall, it wasn’t easy at all and ruined my potential.

    Fortunately, someone started to support me financially since 2015. It made a huge difference. Still, I had so much to catch up on my learnings and projects.

    It’s hard to imagine you weren’t perfectly aware you are lying, though.

    I didn’t attempt anything immoral, at least not that I’m aware of. Obviously, I have a huge, incorrigible issue with my perception of time, and sadly, it ruined my credibility toward fans. That’s the detail I hate the most about myself.

    Maybe you could have finished it in a few months but you are a perfectionist and keep changing your plans,

    To be honest, I don’t think I’m a perfectionist and I’m certain my next releases will be filled with imperfections. I doesn’t mean I’m aiming for low standards.

    A lot of people say I’m not realistic with my goals, that I should stick to RPG Maker or use stock assets, but everyone seem to forget the market isn’t what it used to be when EE1 was released. Around 2010, the indie scene was already overcrowded with RPG Maker games and sales went downhill for most developers. Amanda from Aveyond Studios (the most successful indie rpg developer) was clear about it in [this post]. I couldn’t stay on my laurels and keep relying on the same approach as my first commercial game.

    causing you to never be able to finish something.

    I can finish something. Although most of you aren’t readers, or didn’t care about what I wrote, Project Dechentreiter was a finished project, with the same dedication I put in EE1. The goal was much more realistic, of course, but wasn’t easy either. So, I don’t think I’m procrastinating projects for the sake of being lazy, incompetent, unorganized or stupid, or whatever. Games is on a completely different level, way more complex and risky.

    Thank you for your comment Rya.Reisender! I really appreciate you’re still following!

  4. Innovation is never easy, especially in a gaming world where everyone can get the games for free. I know for the work sector I work in, (clothing, design and textiles related work here).

    You’re trying to both create a special story, make people return to oldschool gaming with unique graphics and engines, and make the game cost and time efficient and simultenously trying to earn your living on that. Each of those reasons could make one write a book on why it’s so hard to achieve, yet you’re attacking on all four ends of it. I admire your courage for that. In my two cents I suggest you to choose your audience carefully and especially focus on the storyline and dialogues because everything else can change and improve in gaming industry but it are the stories and musics in games that makes them unforgettable in our memories, souls and hearts and unbeatable over the years standing against time, giving us special mementos. Undertale a perfect recent example of this.

    So if for nothing, just for the warm memories we are fond of, for that alone, we owe a big thank you to those developers/makers. Because it is a shared journey into their soul and into our own. I know I do. So in the end, Thank you Elder.

    Blessed weeks,
    Erdem

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